Here we have another made for TV documentary along the lines of In The Grip of Evil, except that this one doesn't completely suck. Analyze that sentence. By saying "doesn't completely suck" I mean its nowhere near as painful to watch as Grip of Evil was, but it ain't the best way I have ever spent an hour.Honestly, the story surrounding the Shroud of Turin(if you hadn't already guessed the subject matter) is quite interesting. This documentary traces the origins of what the shroud is believed to be, as well as the journey it has taken into modern times. There is a huge debate in religious circles as to the validity of this piece of fabric being the actual shroud of Jesus Christ, and this documentary explains both sides and all of their arguments quite well. There is both scientific and historic evidence that confirms and denies the authenticity of this artifact. Religious beliefs aside, I think its an interesting story about a controversial piece of history.
In what may be the most unneccessary video footage of a documentary narrator, we are graced with the presence of Hector Elizondo. Apparently Gary Marshall wasn't making a movie. I say unneccessary because there is really no reason for us the see Hector in this thing at all. But at least a couple of times in between commercial breaks(remember...made for TV) we get to see Hector standing in some fake historical library saying what could have been said without seeing him. I mainly bring this up to ask the question: Why do all documentary narrators have to hold one of their arms across their midsection poised for an ambiguous gesture? You know the pose I am talking about. One hand in the pocket. The other attached to a forearm oddly gesturing for suppossed emphasis. They all do it and Hector is no exception. News reporters, or "TV journalists" like to do it too.
In conclusion, the big selling point of this whole dog and pony show was that with modern technology, for the first time we were going to see what people could see if they used just a fraction of their imagination. That's right, we were going to see a three dimensional representation of the image on the Shroud of Turin. Could we be looking at what the real Jesus Christ looked like? The anticipation was killing me, especially since they mentioned it going into every commercial break. And then...the big moment. I was completely underwhelmed. It reall wasn't that big of a deal. The interesting thing about it was that when they showed the back of this guy, they DIDN"T GIVE HIM A BUTT CRACK!!!!! What the hell is that all about. Is it going to disrupt someones Christian sensiblities to show Jesus with a butt crack that probably had for most of his life? "Mommy, why doesn't Jesus have a butt crack like we do?" People who would be offended by that are the kinds of people offended by a boob at the Superbowl. What the damn point? It looks weirder with him having a rounded hump back there. And for those of you wondering about the other side, his hands cover the area so they can get away with it. That's it. I have talked about Jesus' nether regions enough for one day.
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