#53 - The Three Musketeers

Oh boy. Those of you who read these reviews on a regular basis know that I am no fan of made for TV movies. But there is a category of movie that may actually be worse, and that is direct to video. It's interesting though, made for TV movies, except for those on certain networks, are usually all very crappy, whereas direct to video is either suprisingly okay, or the worst piece of garbage you have ever seen. I think that makes the direct to video movies a much risker undertaking. The odds are against both, but the direct to video movie has more potential to be worse. If you haven't already figured out why I am talking about all of this, it's because this little cartoon is a direct to video movie.

How did this movie stack up with so much going against it? Well, honestly, it was more on the suprisingly okay side. Don't get me wrong, I'm not really saying that it was that good or anything, but it didn't completely suck. First of all, it clocked in at barely over one hour, which is a tremendous benefit to all. It also had some moments of decent humor, some of which was more inspired by Looney Toons that classic Disney, but still humorous. It's really odd. I can't say that I have ever seen anything that I was expecting to be awful, but turned out better than I thought, yet still wasn't that great. Normally when you say something is better than you expected it to be, that means that they like it. But this is not the case. If your expectations are way low, then everything else scales down to meet that expectation.

Don't be confused by the title. This is not another version of the Dumas story. It's an all new story that plays out after the original story. Did someone mention that they didn't need to do write anything new? Dumas has been dead for a little while. It's called public domain. It's why they didn't get sued over the title. The story is different, but it may as well be the same. Seemed like a bit of a pointless exercise to me.

Here's the most shocking thing about it all, the animation isn't that bad. They didn't really cut any corners with the characters animation. It's thought out well, and mixed with writing that isn't as bad as you would expect, they actually pull off a slick looking cartoon. It's not groundbreaking by any means, but definately a capable effort. I'm in a realy quandry about this one, I wanna hate it, but I can't. I don't want to recommend it to anyone, but I can't say that it was a complete waste of time. So don't watch it, but don't not watch it because I said it was bad. Not watch it because there are better things to watch, but always remembering that there are worse things to watch as well. That doesn't make any damn sense. Stupid movie.

#52 - The Spongebob Squarepants Movie

I'll come clean here. I haven't watched very many episodes of Spongebob Squarepants. It's not that I don't like the cartoon, I just never really went out of my way to watch it. Because of this I wondered if I should go forward with watching the movie, kind of thinking along the lines of my not watching sequels first rule. Well, I obviously watched it, otherwise I wouldn't be writing a review here. (Think about it, dummy) You see, I am of the opinion that movie versions of television shows should stand on their own. For example, South Park and Beavis and Butthead both stood on their own as good movies. I also expect that the overall scope of the movie be WAY amplified from that of the TV show. It is the big screen, time to go big, or go home.

Does this movie stand on its own? Does it go way beyond the scope of the TV show? Well, sort of. If by adding live action elements to a cartoon and placing the animated characters in a live, non-cartoon world you are expanding the scope, then yes, it did do that. But I'm not convinced it was enough to satisfy me. The reason is because other than the live action moments, they didn't really go too far outside of the already established world of the TV series. Sure Patrick and Spongebob go on a long journey, but the shots of them were always the close up shots you have already seen. I want a big sweeping shot from far away that zooms in as it revolves 360 degress around the main character. You're on the big screen, make things BIG.

...you see, they are on a plane, and there are SNAKES ON IT TOO!!!...

Having said all of that garbage about the scope of the movie, I did enjoy it. The animators for Spongebob are very good at making a character look lighthearted and loveable one moment, and then hideously grotesque another. The contrast is very effective, very well done, and very funny. If you liked Ren and Stimpy, you should also enjoy this because it is in the same vein. Oh, and I had no idea that the voice of Patrick was done by Dauber from Coach.(M-O-O-N. That spells moon.) I think Patrick is my favorite character because of how over the top and insane he really is. "I LOVE BEING PURPLE!!!" Almost completely random, and very, very funny. And even though its a cartoon, I want to take this moment to tell you what you may already know: Scarlett Johansson is very, very hot. At times, mind numbingly hot. But I digress.

And the topper of it all. What was quite possibly the best and most entertaining performance of the entire movie was that of acting legend David Hasselhoff. That's right. I said it!! The shit eating grin that he puts on as he plays a caricature of himself is priceless. There's a difference between just knowing you are satirizing yourself and actually playing the part to its full effectiveness. He does the later, and it is a hoot. I guess to summarize the whole thing, it wasn't as much of a breakout from the cartoon as I would have liked to have seen, but it was entertaining and had the same type of humor and animation that you see on the TV show. Which is a good thing.

#51 - Shark Tale

It's finally happened. The day that I knew would be here has come. What I am speaking of is the day when full length CGI animated features hit the wall. When I first saw Toy Story I was amazed at how good it was. Ever since then I have been shocked that the quality of these films has remained at such a high level. From what I have seen, Pixar would have to work hard to NOT make a good movie. And Dreamworks has done well with their own. Antz wasn't bad, and of course there are the Shrek's. But in the back of my mind I knew that the people making these movies would run out of magic fairy dust and hit the wall. This movie is the wall.

Let me start off by saying that the animation of this movie did not hit the wall. It is top notch and is probably the best part of the whole thing. Where this movie falls short is in the writing department, the same department that was the strong point for all of the CGI toons that I have prior to this. The problem with the writing is that it heavily relies on two major aspects to carry the movie, both of which aren't that great. The first, and most important, is the performance of Will Smith. I know he has made a career on being a fast talking, smooth talking ne'er do well, but but there was so much of it in this movie that it wore out its welcome way too quick. And it never let up. From start to finish it was blabbity blabbity, a million miles a minute, non stop jabbering, and I just wanted him to shut up.

The second aspect of the writing that was annoying was the excessive use of taking common items or scenarios in the human world and transfering them into the fish world. What followed was a movie long series of play on words after play on words and bad fish puns. It was just too much. In the Shrek movies they only really did it when he was out of the woods or the swamp. In Shark Tale it was constantly happening and lost its amusement value around the same time Will Smith did. After that everything else was standard movie stuff, the best firend fish is in love with the main character fish, the super hot fish only loves him cause he is popular, the evil Italian shark mobster with the gay son, you know, all the usual stuff. Which means that all of the interesting writing I had come to expect in these movies was not there. The Rasta jellyfish were pretty funny, even if stoned out rasta's wouldn't make good mobster goons.

Unrelated side note: Is anyone else irritated at the WB's use of the word "fresh" as a substitution for the word "new"? It just reeks of middle aged marketing guys trying too hard to connect with a younger audience. Hopefully it stops with the creation of the CW(UPN + WB = CW????), but let's be honest, I rarely watched either one anyways, and I'm probably not gonna watch this one either.

#50 - Elf

Finally, a movie that people have actually heard of, and have probably seen. I was looking forward to this movie for a number of reasons. One, I needed something mainstream to break up my lackluster viewing lineup. Two, I really like John Favreau's movies and was interested in seeing how he does directing with larger budgets. (Can we get some new episodes of Dinner for Five PLEASE?!?!) Three, I was completely floored by how absolutely hysterically funny Will Ferrell was in Anchorman and wanted to see if he was able to keep it going in another leading role. And yes, I do realize that this one came first and that technically makes the previous sentence incorrect, but I saw Anchorman first, so bite me.

With all of that build up in mind, I was definately left with a resounding feeling of "not bad". It's amazing to me that it can happen, but this is one of those odd cases of a movie that has so many things in it that I liked, but when the pieces were assembled, the end result was just okay. I have a theory on why that happened here, but we'll get to that later. Bob Newhart!! Good to see Bob Newhart and his usual frantic self. Ed Asner!! How the hell has this guy never been pegged for a Santa until now? Zooey Deschanel!! Actually, the jury is still out on her. I wanna say she's a cutie, cause she kind of is, but I get the feeling she might be a bit of a freak. Not a Selma Blair kind of freak, but freak nonetheless. I didn't even remember she was in Big Trouble and I liked that movie. Of course, Sophia Vergara was in that, and holy crap. Faizon Love!! This guy is freakin hysterical. I wish I could see his stand up sometime cause everything I have seen him do is really funny.

I loved the visuals when Buddy was in the North Pole. I loved the stop motion snowman that lived up there. I think the fantasy is reality world that was created was well done and fun to watch. So why didn't I enjoy this movie more than I did? I think the answer lies at the feet of the man I was interested in watching the most, well at least his writers. I think Will Ferrell's performance as Buddy is great. He is absolutely commited to the role and plays every inch of it to its most extreme intensities. Problem is, as written, the character is dumb. Not ignorant of life in the city of New York, just dumb. For exhibit, I give you Crocodile Dundee. He was ignorant of life in NYC, but over time adapted. Buddy did not, well not completely. I just didn't buy that the 30 year old guy would still act completely like a child and not really pick up on much of anything going on around him, and since Ferrell plays the role so completely as written, it kind of showed flaws in the character development. Or maybe I'm just an idiot for over analyzing a fun little family Christmas movie that I actually did enjoy. I hate critics.

#49 - What About Your Friends: Weekend Getaway

What's wrong with me? Why do I waste my time with crap like this? I know that I say I wanna watch the bad things in order to make the good things better. And I know that I say I wanna watch what appears to be bad or things I'm not initially interested in because I may be suprised by what I find. But there comes a time when an individual has to realize that when they put a DVD into their DVD player that there is no chance in hell they will even come close to enjoying what they are about to watch. Especially when that DVD is a made for TV movie for the BET network. I don't know that there is anything on BET that I have ever really wanted to watch. The only thing that would even remotely interest me is Comic View, and those comedians suck. So, why would I want to take the time to watch a BET movie about three high school girls on a weekend getaway competing for college scholarships? Oh wait. I DON'T want to spend my time doing that, but dammit, I did it anyways. I'm not very pleased about it.

Let's see, where to begin? It stars Rudy. That's Cosby Rudy, not football Rudy. Last time I saw Rudy she was busy beating Pen & Teller and Greg Brady in Celebrity Fear Factor. I guess she was okay in this movie. Actually, everybody was okay. This may be a case where all of the performers were capable at what they were doing. If they were given something that wasn't completely generic in every way, I think that maybe a couple of them would have still been okay. Oh, by the way, Rudy needs to learn how to speak slang. Here's a hint: You don't enunciate the "Girl, no you didn't" types of phrases. It doesnt help that these phrases are placed in between dialogue of proper english. That's called bad writing. Most of the dialogue isn't in slang, but the writer threw in a phrases here and there. But the performers usually enunciated every word. It was kind of funny.

I'm done talking about that piece of crap. I could rant on it forever, but really, I just wanna forget about it. You'll all be happy to know that the crappy or obscure movies that have plagued most of what I have been reviewing lately is over. That doesn't mean that I've been watching only good movies. Far from it. But the crappy documentaries, the crappy bomb movies, and the crappy cop/mob movies are in the past, for now. I think everyone knows those things are not in short supply. But for some reason, this is the point where the random movie selection takes a drastic shift in another direction. It's actually a relief because this last stretch has been rough to watch. Anyways, I am now only nine movies away from being caught up with my viewing. Hopefully that means that I can be a little more specific with things, or I can rant that much better cause things will be fresh in my mind. We shall see. Tell your friends. Tell your friends friends, but not in a MySpace kind of way. Tell your enemies too.

#48 - Hit Lady

Wait. What? How did this movie get put into this set? First of all, it's not even about the mafia. Sure, it does involve organized crime, but not the mafia. If you couldn't tell by the title of the movie, this is about a woman assassin. Of course she is a beautiful woman assassin cause why would you hire anything else. But it's not the mafia. On those terms alone, it should be stricken from this collection. Not to mention the fact that the movie stinks.

Another reason this movie should be stricken from this set is the fact that its a made for TV movie. WHAT? How absolutely random is this freakin set anyways? You get an Italian movie, you get a absolute piece of garbage, you get pseudo serious Jersey mobster movie, and to wrap it up, you get a made for TV movie that isnt even about the mafia. What could make it even worse? Well, Hit Lady was produced by Aaron Spelling. That's right the genius responsible for producing such great TV hits as Hotel, Models, Inc., and Tori Spelling. I know, I know, he's made some things that aren't a complete waste of time like those were(are), but I think the ratio of okay to bad is not in his favor.

I can't even describe my befuddlement about the collection I have watched. To say that it was ecclectic would be giving it too fancy a word. And Hit Lady is just the topper. I wanted to change the channel at every commercial break. Hell, I wanted to change the channel while I was watching it. I wanted to scan through the online guide to see what else was on. It doesn't help that I am not a fan of made for TV movie, but this movie is just too simple and safe. There is no tension and no aggression that one would expect from this kind of topic. I guess that's what you get when you make something for mass television consumption and don't want to upset anyone about anything. It's not even targeted at a specific audience, it's just targeted at an audience.

Having said all that, I will say that something happened in this movie that shocked the hell out of me. You see, in this movie the lady assassin wants out but wont be allowed by her employer. She tries to run away after she can't complete a hit on a huge union leader. She seeks solace in her boyfriend, who turns out to also be an assassin sent to follow her in case she ever tried to run. That's not what is shocking and don't say that I ruined the end for you because this dude being an assassin might have been the most obvious plot twist ever and you weren't gonna watch this piece of crap anyway. What is shocking is that he actually kills the chick. WHAT!?!? That's right!! He kills her!! That's how the movie ends. You can understand my emotional confusion to be watching a movie I couldn't care less about, and then be shocked by the result. The damn thing got me at the end. That made me really hate it. Pieces of crap like this shouldn't throw me for a loop at the end. Damn you Aaron Spelling, damn you.

#47 - Family Enforcer

Here we have Mob Hit number three. Let's review: First movie was from Italy, but fun in a Saturday night on TNT sort of way. Second movie was the worst thing I have ever seen. How does this movie fare? Pretty well actually. I know the picture shows Joe Pesci, and he is in the movie, but he isn't the main character. He just happens to be the only name actor 25+ years after this thing was made. He plays the sidekick(again). But he's not a psycho sidekick, he actually has a level head on his shoulders and shows some compassion at time. Don't worry, he swears at people like you have come to expect, but he's just not the raving lunatic you have seen from him before.

This movie is a low budget mob movie from the 70's that has similar film qualities and textures of a low budget porn movie from the 70's. The main character, played by some dude, is looking to get back into working with the mob running scores. The boss is willing to give him work, but only as a debt collector. So he goes around and roughs some people up, pisses some people off, and basically begins to do things his own way. Of course this pisses of the big boss and things go forth from there. Its honestly a well written movie in terms of plot structure, and the way things play out and develop. Sure the dialouge isn't the best, but there is an entertaining vibe that is going on with this one. It's not the same type of vibe I got from Escape from Death Row or Cop in Blue Jeans because Family Enforcer is a little bit more dramatic.

Don't think this is strictly dramatic. There are humorous and light hearted moments, but they are juxtaposed with some pretty intense moments of violence. The funniest thing in the whole movie is mostly a result of being made in the 70's. There is a guy, a bad guy, who is the epitome of fat 70's sleazeball criminal. He's got the polyester button-up shirt that is stuffed into tight denim blue jeans that just happen to match the denim jacket he is wearing. And wrapped around the hemispherical waist of this tub is a classic white pleather belt. I know your feeling me on this one. I know you know what I'm talking about. From the neck up is the best part. First of all, the guy has no neck. It's just jawline, a little bit of flab, and shoulders. Directly above the somewhat jutting jawline is a classic Ron Jeremy style mustache. And on the top of this dude's dome is a masterpiece of a curly, black, probably permed helmet of hair. I don't think any of my words could give a just description of this guys head. It's almost worth watching just to see this guy. Classic sleazeball.

You can put this one in the same category as Cop in Blue Jeans and Escape from Death Row, even though it has a different mood to it, and isn't Italian. It actually has some really well directed and well created moments. Only one more movie left in this boxed set, which just so happens to be on the other side of this one.

#46 - America's Atomic Bomb Tests: Operation Tumbler Snapper

At long last, the final installment of this atomic bomb boxed set. Of course, everyone is excited that this day has come. Not because of the eager anticipation to see what happens next. Not because of the eager anticipation to learn more about the history of nuclear testing in the United States and abroad. No, we are all excited that this day has come so that we can finally get through this god awful piece of crap boxed set and move on to more important things, reviewing other crappy DVD's.

I would say that this DVD only 75% sucked. Like the other DVD's in the set, it is broken up into four short films. Three of them are the usual boring crap. This time they blow up different stuff to see how it reacts. Guess what? It blows up. I'm telling you, make stuff out of the materials the cameras are made out of. They don't fail after getting hit by the blast. Anyways, they set up mannequins in some of the houses in family type settings...and then blew em up. They had cameras in the buildings so you could see exactly how bodies are blown around through shattered debris in the event of a nuclear attack. Was this research, or morbid curiosity? I could have told you what would happen to a family playing Scrabble when a nuke hits the ground in the neighbors backyard. Of course I'm talking about neighbors like Dayton, Ohio is a neighbor to Cincinnatti, Ohio.

Why all of this is 25% interesting is because the fourth, and thankfully final film on the DVD was more of a PSA film trying to tell Americans how the government is testing nukes to keep you safe. AND IT SHOWED THE FOOTAGE OF THE JONES FAMILY GETTIN BLOWED UP!!! Everybody plays their part, or else THIS HAPPENS!!!!! Hysterical. It reminded me of when I went to see a preserved reel of Dr. Strangelove and they had a preserved news reel just before America's involvement in WWII. It talked about such things as Nazi families doing their part and saving food scraps to feed Nazi pigs. It was done in classic propaganda style, and this bomb PSA was just as silly and just as rooted in fallacious scare tactics.

If you stayed with me through these three reviews, I appreciate you tolerance. I tried to make them as interesting as they could be, but it was hard to do becuase they were obviously the most boring things to ever be transmitted over a laser. I can't make any guaruntees that something like this will never happen again because there are some more documentries and whatnot in my queue, but not for a while. I think a moment of respite would do us all good. I'm glad this is over. I hope the future is more interesting, but I shall continue to watch the crappy DVD's. If I sat through this shite, I can sit through anything, like Mob War.

#45 - The Big Heat

I tell you what, these kinds of movies are GOOD movies. They are so intense, raw, and in your face. It is a pleasure to watch something so well crafted and that keeps you on the edge of your seat throughout. There are two things that happened for me while I was watching this movie. First, I didn't know how some things were going to turn out, so I was completely absorbed in the story and what the results were going to be. Second, there were some things I figured out, but there was a great anticipation to see how it unfolded. I can't remember the last "classic" style cop movie I saw that had those two elements interweaving in such a strong way. This was different then what happened in White Heat because you pretty much knew what the deal was, you just couldnt wait to see it play out. Much more mystery involved in this movie.

The events of this movie get started when Glenn Ford investigates an apparent suicide and discovers mob ties and police corruption. He plays such a cool detective that doesn't back down from anyone and plays his cards right. He knows when to make his moves and who to make them on. Even the scenes that are not high paced or action oriented are so fascinating because of the game that is played between the good guys and the bad guys. And speaking of bad guys, Lee Marvin is so good at what he does. No sir, this isn't Paint Your Wagon Lee Marvin. This isn't even Dirty Dozen Lee Marvin. This is bad ass bad guy from The Big Heat Lee Marvin. He's basically Glenn Ford's equal in terms of unrelenting agression and playing his card right, but he is way more erratic. You can call him a maniac if you would like to.

And yes, we have a no good dirty dame in our midst. Not quite the no good dame as Virginia Mayo was in White Heat, but she starts out playing for the bad guys and when she is suspected of a little transgression, she gets dealt with. I am only saying this cause it was a case of knowing something was going to happen to her, but when it happens, it's an "oh shit" moment. In fact, its not the only "oh shit" moment in the movie. And let me tell you, the anticipation of the other one is even greater, as are the results. This movie does not dissapoint. If I had to compare it with White Heat, I would say that nothing tops the performance of James Cagney, but there is more mystery involved with The Big Heat and the clash between bad guys and good guys is stronger. But thats just me. Two great movies telling two different stories, but both telling them very well.

#44 - Mob War

This is the worst movie that has ever been made in the history of all cinema. Everything about this movie was poorly planned, created, executed, and performed. The writing was bad. The acting was bad. The directing was bad. The editing was bad. The cinematography was bad. The sound design was bad. The special effects were bad. They had lights.

There are signs that the movie you are about to watch is a flaming pile of crap. One of them could be that the only name actor in the movie is Jake LaMotta. THAT'S RIGHT!! Raging Bull Jake LaMotta. And let me tell you, this guy has the acting range from a quiet Marlon Brando ripoff to unneccessary yelling as an attempt at actual emotion, with nothing in between. This guy has no range. He has two levels, and they both suck.

There are signs that the movie you are in the middle of watching is a flaming pile of crap. One of them is when a rival mobster sends people down to a Central American drug to take over someone else's drug ring. Actually, that's not so bad, its the fact that the ensuing gunfight footage involves a bunch of guys in camo just randomly shooting guns and the gunfire sound effects DONT MATCH THE GUNS THAT ARE SHOOTING!!!!! Oh, and to top it off, there is dialogue that actually sounds like a couple of guys in a recording studio yelling out random gunfight phrases, and then playing that over the random gunfight scene. It might have been the worst combination audio and visual elements I have ever seen.

There are signs that movie you just sat through is a flaming pile of crap. One of them is that before the final mano y mano gunfight, they call attention to the fact that one of the guys has a limited number of bullets, and then he shoots his gun about a HALF A MILLION TIMES!!!! How stupid do you have to be to let that happen in a movie you are making? What compounds the idiocy of it is that after he has shot the damn thing a ton of times, HE ACTUALLY RELOADS THE GUN!!!! I'm sorry, I must have missed all those clips he had in his pockets to reload it throughout the scene. Also, the other guy in the gunfight shoots his gun about eleventy-billion times, with a six shooter type gun, which at ONE time, he also reloads. I'm sorry, I guess I missed all of the loose bullets loading up his pockets so that he could reload every six shots or so.

The only thing that this movie has going for it is that Escape From Death Row is on the other side of the DVD. It was such a waste of time for everyone involved. I don't know why they felt the need to put it on a DVD. I couldn't even find a poster for the damn thing so I ad to use the box cover for the DVD set. Crap on celluloid my friends, crap on celluloid.

#43 - Escape From Death Row

Like The Cop in Blue Jeans, you shouldn't be confused by the poster. Apparently this movie had a couple of titles and I couldnt find a good picture with the other title. You see, this movie was also made in Italy, except it was made in '73 as oppossed to '76. But the great thing here is that we have two movies from the same era, genre, and country seen close to each other, and I gotta say, you could take most of my review of The Cop in Blue jeans and transplant it into this review. This wasn't the best script, or the best story, but it was just fun to watch. It didn't take itself too seriously, but wasn't completely tounge in cheek. Just fun to watch these older movies with a unique style that has since been replicated or satarized in various ways.

You wanna know what was really great about this movie? Lee Van Cleef. Apparently being a good villain in a couple of spaghetti westerns will get you work in Italy for a few years. He is so smooth and cool as the bad guy who is the good guy. I guess you could call him an anti-hero, but that term is too fancy for a movie like this. This guy goes to an illegal gambling party and calls the police so that he can arrested in order to have an alibi for when he sneaks out and kills somebody. Now thats just cool. Of course he gets set up by the boss of the guy who gets killed and he gets thrown into serious lockdown. But this man is gonna get even, and he does so with the help of Crazy Tony(look back at the poster). Tony is the stubborn comic relief sidekick who admires the work of Frank. Normally this part is completely annoying and a waste of everybody's time. But in this case it's okay because Tony isn't written as an annoying idiot, he's just eager. Fun duo to watch.

The big difference between this movie and The Cop in Blue Jeans is that this one had better editors. Much smoother, much cleaner, and the dubbing is much better. But it was clear that this had a bigger budget so you can understand it a little. One thing I noticed with these Italian movies is that they use the same music over and over and over and over and over again. I think The Cop in Blue Jeans had one, maybe two songs re-playing through the whole thing. I don't remember offhand, but I think Escape From Death Row wasn't much better.

This was the first movie in a boxed set titled Mob Hits. I think that "Hits" is probably the wrong word to describe the movies in this set, but there are four movies on two DVD's. I was tempted to write a review for each DVD, but I wanted to give each movie it's due, so four reviews of four movies on two DVD's. Oh boy, now you have something to look forward to. It must be spring sweeps.

#42 - America's Atomic Bomb Tests: At Ground Zero

Well, here we are. The second disc of a three DVD set, in which the first disc was quite possibly the most boring thing I have ever seen in almost twenty-nine years of life. Will I be able to sit through another DVD of horribly tedious scientific fact reporting? The very foundation of what I am doing here is at stake. I want to be able to sit through everything, good or bad, old or new. Of course, one of the points for all of that is to find good movies in places I wouldn't normally look. Going in, I knew that this had no chance of having that happen. What was possible was that it was going to be as bad as the first disc, and I just couldn't sit through that again, and the last disc would be totally out of the question.

It turns out, that this one wasn't as bad. Don't go crazy. I'm not saying it was good, but it had a little more going for it than the first one. Think of it as a sharp stick in the eye versus a sharp stick in the eye while riding a small pony. So, what are we dealing with here? Well, looking at the picture, we are obviously dealing with houses blowing up, but its more than that. You may have seen those red/orange colored film clips of various houses and other objects being blown to bits. Those film clips were from the series of bomb tests that this DVD is about. Oh crap. I have to admit I was interested to see some history behind footage I have seen before, but never knew what it was. That's really what made this better than the first one. It was still in the boring educational film style, but it was nowhere near as scientific.

The scientists for these tests were testing everything. They set up planes, buses, tanks, cars, trains, houses, trees, all sorts of different materials at different distances from the blast site. Basically, they wanted to know how all of these things would react to an atomic blast. So they set up cameras to record things getting desrtoyed by the blast waves, and that was absolutely fascinating to watch. As they were testing different types of materials, I found myself thinking, "Why don't they just make everything out of the stuff they build the cameras with?". The cameras never stopped working during the tests, so build things out of the same stuff.

If you read my review of the first DVD in this set, then you know I ranted a little bit about how boring it was. This one, not so much. It wasn't great, but I have to admit, it was interesting to see so many different items getting blown to bits. Also, it was interesting to see the source of the clips I had seen at various times in the past. But don't rush out and get this one, it just ain't worth it. I am sad to say that this one wasn't bad enough to make me not want to watch the third one. Wait a second, I don't want to watch the third one, but this second one wasn't so bad that I won't watch the third one. So get ready, sometime in the future there will be a review about another round of boring atomic bomb tests. YIPPEE!!!!!

#41 - The Cop in Blue Jeans

Don't be confused by the picture. That's the Spanish poster, but I had to use it cause it fits this type of movie almost perfectly. What we have here is an Italian cop movie where the main character is a bit of an untraditional loose cannon, hence being in blue jeans. He's not quite like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon(holy crap...two Lethal Weapon references in consecutive reviews...sheesh), but he definately has his own thing going on. First of all, he drives a motorcycle all over the place, and I mean ALL OVER THE PLACE. Second, he just does things his own way. Not a rule breaker, just does things in his own style. Really, Tomas Milian is a treat to watch in this.

The movie itself reminds me a lot of the movie Shaft. Richard Roundtree, not Sam Jack. It has that 70's cop movie kind of texture to it, but since it was filmed in Italy the pacing and editing is a different style than we are used to. Of course there is the english dubbing, but when you see the action scenes, you can't help but realize that the kind of 70's movies you see spoofs and satires of, is exactly the movie you are watching. You are watching the source of the spoof, and let me tell you, it is great fun.

This is the kind of movie you used to be able to watch late night weekends on TNT. There are times that I wish I took more advantage of those weekends, and watching this movie was one of them. It was just fun to watch. The motorcycle chase scenes were choppy at best, but it didn't matter. There was one point where a bad guy was hanging off of a roof and about to fall. His face had a look of concern on it, but the vocal dub for him was screaming of sheer terror. The visual and the audio didn't match at all, but at that point it didn't really matter. You know you aren't watching the ultimate cinematic experience, but for this movie, that's okay. For the record, bad editing help make One Good Cop a piece of crap, and bad editing was passable for The Cop in Blue Jeans. I guess its a matter of style. If you watch this movie, watch it with a group of friends so you can all laugh at it, or laugh with it. It is quite enjoyable.