#25 - Constantine

Here we have another high budget, special effects driven vehicle for Ted Theodore Logan. I was looking forward to this because I was wondering if we could once again catch lighting in a bottle. I an of course referring to The Matrix. That was a movie that I didn't have very high expectations for because Ted ain't exactly Steve Guttenberg, if you know what I mean. But it looked interesting, so I went, and the rest is movie history. I had similar feelings about Constantine, but instead of leaving the theater pumped cause I just saw an awesome movie, I turned off the DVD player with a definite feeling of "eh".

In this movie Ted is a man who was sent to hell, but made it out. Because of this he cannot enter heaven and spends his days exorcising demons in an attempt to buy his way into heaven. Stuff happens here and there and a big ol battle between heaven and earth is on the way and he is right in the middle of it. Along with him is Rachel Weisz who plays a cop, but you couldn't tell it by looking at her. I know she just won an Oscar and all, but did anybody believe she was a cop? Did she even need to be a cop for this one? Did she even need a profession?

Visually, this movie was great. The special effects were well crafted, well designed, and well executed. It was everything else that led to the "eh" feeling. The story wasn't very smooth as it led from revelation to revelation and the suspense didn't build very much. the result was an ending that wasn't very exciting. I did however like the representation of Satan. Having him in a completely white suit and walking around with oily, black bare feet was a nice touch. Not a bad performance for a guy who would eventually try to get you to buy a Volkswagen.

Ultimately, I think the problem lies somewhere in between the writing and Ted's inability to pull it off. In The Matrix it didn't matter that he was a bad actor because the script didn't ask too much of him. This required a little more than he had. I found myself wondering if anybody realized that maybe the reason he isn't getting into heaven is because he is doing things for selfish, self-centered reasons. I just couldn't figure out if that was missing because of bad acting, or bad writing.

Oh, and can we STOP with the little one liners and unnecessary comic relief in these movies? I know we have 007 to blame for some of this, but in some movies it actually works because there is a lighthearted tone. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE MOVIES!!!!! I find it a little stupid that there is about to be a major shift of control in the powers that be, and Ted is upset because someone messed up his $100 shirt. Seriously. Did anybody laugh at that? Did anybody even snicker? That's not even worth throwing your Raisinets at the screen. I am sick and tired of those one liners creeping into places that don't need them. HOLLYWOOD...STOP IT!!!!